Hazard and Somerset by Gregory Ashe

Author:Gregory Ashe [Ashe, Gregory]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gregory Ashe
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

VI

DECEMBER 24

MONDAY

6:54 PM

WILL YOU STOP with the damn pillows already?” Hazard squirmed in the duvetyne suit as his boyfriend jammed pillows inside the coat. “Enough, John.”

“Santa’s belly has to jiggle like a bowl full of jelly.”

“Santa’s belly is memory foam and duck feathers. Ouch, God, one of the quills just stabbed me. Stop it!”

“You’re being a baby.” Somers leaned back, though, examining his work, and made a sound of disgust. “I can hardly tell I put pillows in there.”

“Are you shitting me?” Hazard turned to study his profile in the mirror; they had borrowed a Noah and Rebeca’s room to change into the costume, and finding a place to stand in the chaos of toys and books and laundry baskets hadn’t been easy. “I’m a blimp.”

“Looks the same to me.”

Hazard turned to stare at his boyfriend.

“You weren’t thinking of eating the whole tres leches cake by yourself, were you?”

“I will take the ring right back off your fucking finger.”

“It’s called winter weight gain, Ree.”

“I know what it’s called.”

“It happens to a lot of people.”

“I. Know.” Hazard bit off the words. “I’m the one who watched Warm for the Winter: A History of Health, Hibernation, and Hivernal Living. You just ate popcorn and played Fortnite on your phone.”

“There’s a biological component, you know. We’re programmed to store energy for the winter; that’s why some people,” Somers raked a gaze up and down Hazard, “pack on a few pounds.”

“Keep going. See where this gets you.”

“It’s nothing to embarrassed about.”

Downstairs, Noah shouted, “Everybody to the Christmas tree, everybody to the tree right now. We’re about to have a very special guest.”

Shrieks of “Santa! Santa!” rang through the house, accompanied by a stampede.

A prickle of sickly heat ran through Hazard. He was going to have to walk out there. He was going to have every eye in the room on him, and he was going to be lying, pretending to be something he wasn’t. His whole life, he’d fought hard to be honest about who he was. He’d told the truth even when it hurt. Especially when it hurt. And how he was going to give up all of it. For what? For a dumb story? The suit was suddenly too small, the duvetyne scratchy, the duck quills spearing his gut.

“I think I’m getting a rash,” Hazard said, ripping at the buttons on the front of the coat. “I’m breaking out.”

“You’re fine.”

“No, I’m definitely allergic to something.”

Somers’s hands closed over his, stilling them. “You’re fine.” But then he must have seen something on Hazard’s face because he said, “Hey. Never mind. You don’t have to do this.”

Wiping sweat from his forehead, Hazard got himself under control. He tugged the cap with its faux fur trim lower on his head. “No, it’s fine.”

“Ree, come on. Take off the coat. I know what we’ll do: I’ve got one of those Santa apps on my phone, and we’ll just use that. It’s silly, you know, like they’re getting a phone call from Santa. They’ll eat it up. And I’ve got the Santa tracker.

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